Word of The Year: Presence
This year, I chose three words of the year, patience, progress and presence.
I have been working on being more present for a few years, but this year I wanted to make it a primary focus. Time is going by so quickly, my kids are growing up so fast, and all of a sudden, my baby is a preschooler.
I have never wanted to hang on to every single moment so badly.
I have never wanted to remember and savor all the tiny details (both the sweet and the bitter) as much as I do today. I need to focus on presence.
To do this, I need to be more present. I need to be present when I am holding my baby. I need to be present when my preschooler tells me about his day. I need to give him undivided attention when he tells me a story (even if it is the third time, because one day, it will be the last time).
By paying attention, and being present in the moment, I hope to slow all of this down. Noticing new things and focusing on the here and now is proven to slow down our perception of how time passes, and I need this! While the world may be all too familiar to me, my kids are constantly evolving into something new.
I want to hold on to the lazy mornings, to savor the drive home from preschool, to notice every new little skill and syllable and expression.
Slowing Down By Slowing Down
I don’t remember Bug’s babyhood all that well. I was so tired. I rarely felt like my life was in harmony with what I wanted it to be. I went back to work too soon (I think, looking back), and it flew by. I don’t think I took the time to enjoy it as much as I wish I did. I felt bored at times and then excruciatingly overwhelmed, with very little in between.
I don’t want to make that mistake with Bobcat. Or to lose entire parts of Bug’s toddler and preschool life. So, I am slowing down time by slowing down myself.
Struggling With Focus
In the past, I have described myself as “distracted” and “unfocused.” This is not how I want my kids to remember me, and this is not how I want to approach my work, especially now that I am primarily working from home. Distracted and working at home are a terrible combination!
I already have a meditation practice that has been incredibly helpful for my mood, my attention span, my ability to care for my children. But, I plan to deepen it this year. I am paying more attention to being mindful outside of meditation. I am working on mindfulness while doing the mindless, like laundry, dishes, and pushing a kiddo on the swing.
When I am driving, I am trying to focus on the road and the scenery and the podcast I am listening to.
I am working to end the ruminations, the what ifs, the worry about tomorrow (and very much struggling here).
I am also working on being focused on my little ones while I am with them. Really being present with them, so that they know when we are together, I am available.
Making Time to Savor The Moments
Time not only goes by so fast, but I have so much less of it. I need to use it wisely in order to savor it. Without presence, I find myself losing focus incredibly quickly. Moving from task to task without making much progress (another one of my words this year), and getting lost in a mindless internet maze. And then worrying about the work I didn’t get done when I am with my kids or trying to sleep. Not great for my relationships or my well-being.
I want to attend to the details of my life, great and small, bitter and sweet. Slow it all down, and be present in every moment.
